Julie/Julia Project
I was going to tweet about it, then I realized that 140 characters isn’t enough to get the thoughts that this book has inspired. I got an iPhone, I got the Kindle app (MUST HAVE), and asked twitter for suggestions. @foodandflix suggested Julie and Julia Project. I had other suggestions but that was the one I promptly downloaded. I finished it today and wow.
I want a project like that. I want something that will change me and make me grow. Something to make me feel like I’m actually doing something, not just going through the motions. Now is not the time though too many things going on to undertake such a project. Plus, French food is not my thing, really half the stuff she cooked just sounded gross. The other half, the half that had my mouth watering isn’t gluten free. While I could eat what’s the point in slaving away for hours on the perfect pastry if you are the only one that can eat it?
I understand her mental state more than anything. It was comforting to know that I am not the only person to feel that way. I will turn 30 in a few weeks and let’s just say the upcoming event has put my mental status into question. My mental status is also putting a toll on the rest of my life. It just hasn’t been much fun around here lately. It’s been a stress factory.
My summer was going to be great. I was going to make a quilt, knit an afghan, sew some shopping bags, even set up a mini craft studio. Some place I could be uber creative and not take over the living room and kitchen table. I was also going to write on a weekly basis. Right here on this blog. Its why I bought the domain name. It was going to be another form of creative outlet. It didn’t happen, shit happened, and shit is still happening.
Just after the school year was over grandma went into the hospital. She has CHF, congestive heart failure, they told us it was the kind that her heart was getting weak and tired. Well it is 98 years old after all. I kind of figured it wasn’t as strong as it used to be. We came home and started rehab. Things were going ok. Things were looking up. Then she had a stroke. The stroke is a bleeding kind not the clot kind. Nothing they can do. The side effects didn’t seem to last. Then she stopped eating and drinking. We got that taken care of with a trip to the ER and a couple doses of Zolfran or something like that. (I could go get the pill bottle but really I don’t think it’s that important.) Then there was the day that we thought her kidney’s had shut down and just as we were getting ready to take her in for the tests she decided she needed to go to the bathroom. Then her sleeping and eating went to hell in a hand basket. Even with the new medication it’s hit and miss. I don’t know if she’s getting better or worse. I do know that it’s hell to watch a woman once so strong and so independent need my husband to carry her to the bathroom or to bed, me to wipe her after using the bathroom, and someone to feed her. I know this isn’t the way she ever wanted to be and I only hope and pray that her strength returns someday soon.
With her not doing so well we have not left her alone. Someone is always here, awake with her. I went a month without leaving the house. My husband has been given the duty of grocery shopping. I still haven’t figured out the proper way to make a grocery list for him though. I know what Pasta Sauce means, he doesn’t, he gets upset and I get upset when he brings the wrong thing home. Actually, getting upset with each other seems to be what we do best lately. It sucks. It really does.
I had a mental breakdown last weekend. Sunday to be exact. I just sobbed uncontrollably for hours and hours. We talked a little. I told him it felt like my whole world was spinning out of control. He told me he felt like I was pulling away from him. I slept for four hours. I woke up and when he left for work, I sobbed some more. Then I wrote him a letter. A handwritten letter and for me that’s something special. I never write with pen and paper anymore. I can type so much quicker, it looks better, best of all it’s all spelled correctly oh and I can easily add those words that I thought but didn’t make it on the page. I can’t say that the letter solved all the problems. I can say he’s been a little more receptive to contact. We’ve talked a little bit more. We’ve got a long way to go and it’s going to be hard. He has been staying up at night with grandma. It’s hard to keep the spark of a marriage alive when you don’t sleep in the same room. I’m trying to do some extra things for him. I’m not sure if it’s getting through to him or not. At this time all I can do is hope and pray.
Yes, all of this came about because of the Julie/Julia project. I’m slightly hysterical like Julie. I’m slightly overbearing like Julia. What it did the most was say I wasn’t alone in the world. I am not the only person who is overwhelmed with the real world, slightly neurotic about turning 30, not the only person who doesn’t have sex for a few months while something massive is going on in their lives, and that there is hope that everything will turn out ok in the end.